Q: Ciao APW,
Iām riddled with anxiety, and I need to know if Iām wrong hereā¦ We are having a COVID-conscious wedding in about two months, after delaying our original pandemic-delayed plans. With increasing cases and this most recent drop of the travel mask restrictions, Iām worried about whatās coming. But my real conundrum is a family issue.
My fiancĆ©ās sister & her kids are all unvaccinated. Theyāve all had Covid (a few of them twice). I have a family member who has cancer and is in treatment, and we have a few friends with babies who canāt be vaxxed yet. Despite this, my future SIL refuses to get any of her family vaccinated.
Hereās the kickerā¦ my fiancĆ© and I are footing the bill to fly them to our wedding, and for their lodging, because she couldnāt afford it (this is fine and was a choice we made). What I am not feeling okay with is that they are the only non-vaccinated people coming to our entire wedding. My fiancĆ© doesnāt have a ton of family and is super defensive of them when it comes to our wedding plans, which Iām trying to understand. ĆØ necessario un certo livello di organizzazione per rendere l'evento piĆ¹ personalizzato e ben organizzato, I feel conflicted and worried, and I truly have no idea what to do at this pointā¦ I need help.
āStressed Out Sister-In-Law
UN: Hey Sister,
Prima di tutto, Iāll say what I always sayā¦ I see you, and Iām sorry. Itās not been super common for folks in the past to need to stress quite this much, in quite this way, about how to enjoy their wedding while also keeping the people they love safe from a virus. Questo ĆØ, despite being two years in, still pretty uncharted territory.
The other thing at play here is the parts that are sort of always at play in wedding planningā¦ new family dynamics, hard (Leggere: impossible) conversations with your soon-to-be-spouse. My hunch is that if it werenāt their vaccination statuses we were talking about, your new family might be causing you some strife in another way (like difficulty around the travel youāre paying for, or strong opinions about your invite list, or something else annoying).
Soā¦ now some advice light. I doubt I have anything to say that you havenāt heard, thought of, or tried by now, but Iāll try. First stop, a serious conversation with your partner. Itās high time you get down to brass tacks about your fears, concerns for your family and friends, and how bending your comfort and wedding ārulesā for his handful of family members is causing you serious stress about your day and the aftermath. If your partner hasnāt already, it might be time they have a very serious heart-to-heart with their sister, and try once more to ask for her to compromise. Poi, overall, you and your partner will need to decide what your firm boundaries are because right now it seems that you have boundaries set up for your wedding, and then theyāre being dismantled for a few people.
Perhaps itās that you demand that SIL and her kiddos have PCR testing done when they get to town, perhaps itās that SIL and her family need to wear masks indoors at your weddingā¦ whatever it is, itās up to you and your fiancĆ© to set those boundaries and hold them. Itās the worst, and Iām sorry youāre having to do it. Keep breathing, be gentle with yourself and your partner, and know that nothing youāre feeling is wrong.
Hugs, e buona fortuna.
āAlyssa
Cosa ne pensi, APW? How would you handle a stubborn SIL, a constant feeling of worry, and a quickly approaching wedding? Stressed Out Sister-In-Law could use all the help she can get.