Q: Hai APW,
I’m riddled with anxiety, and I need to know if I’m wrong here… We are having a COVID-conscious wedding in about two months, after delaying our original pandemic-delayed plans. With increasing cases and this most recent drop of the travel mask restrictions, I’m worried about what’s coming. But my real conundrum is a family issue.
My fiancé’s sister & her kids are all unvaccinated. They’ve all had Covid (a few of them twice). I have a family member who has cancer and is in treatment, and we have a few friends with babies who can’t be vaxxed yet. Despite this, my future SIL refuses to get any of her family vaccinated.
Here’s the kicker… my fiancé and I are footing the bill to fly them to our wedding, and for their lodging, because she couldn’t afford it (this is fine and was a choice we made). What I am not feeling okay with is that they are the only non-vaccinated people coming to our entire wedding. My fiancé doesn’t have a ton of family and is super defensive of them when it comes to our wedding plans, which I’m trying to understand. Tetapi, I feel conflicted and worried, and I truly have no idea what to do at this point… I need help.
—Stressed Out Sister-In-Law
A: Hey Sister,
Pertama sekali, I’ll say what I always say… I see you, and I’m sorry. It’s not been super common for folks in the past to need to stress quite this much, in quite this way, about how to enjoy their wedding while also keeping the people they love safe from a virus. Ini adalah, despite being two years in, still pretty uncharted territory.
The other thing at play here is the parts that are sort of always at play in wedding planning… new family dynamics, hard (membaca: impossible) conversations with your soon-to-be-spouse. My hunch is that if it weren’t their vaccination statuses we were talking about, your new family might be causing you some strife in another way (like difficulty around the travel you’re paying for, or strong opinions about your invite list, or something else annoying).
So… now some advice light. I doubt I have anything to say that you haven’t heard, thought of, or tried by now, but I’ll try. First stop, a serious conversation with your partner. It’s high time you get down to brass tacks about your fears, kebimbangan terhadap keluarga dan rakan anda, dan bagaimana melenturkan keselesaan dan 'peraturan' perkahwinan anda untuk segelintir ahli keluarganya menyebabkan anda tekanan yang serius tentang hari anda dan akibatnya. Jika pasangan anda belum melakukannya, mungkin sudah tiba masanya mereka mempunyai hati ke hati yang sangat serius dengan kakak mereka, dan cuba sekali lagi untuk meminta dia berkompromi. kemudian, secara keseluruhan, anda dan pasangan anda perlu menentukan sempadan kukuh anda kerana sekarang nampaknya anda mempunyai sempadan yang ditetapkan untuk perkahwinan anda, dan kemudian ia dibongkar untuk beberapa orang.
Mungkin anda menuntut SIL dan anak-anaknya menjalani ujian PCR apabila mereka sampai ke bandar, mungkin SIL dan keluarganya perlu memakai topeng di dalam rumah semasa majlis perkahwinan anda… walau apa pun, terpulang kepada anda dan tunang anda untuk menetapkan sempadan tersebut dan menahannya. Ia adalah yang paling teruk, dan saya minta maaf kerana anda terpaksa melakukannya. Teruskan bernafas, berlembut dengan diri sendiri dan pasangan, dan ketahui bahawa tiada apa yang anda rasa salah.
Pelukan, dan semoga berjaya.
—Alyssa
Apa yang anda fikir, APW? Bagaimana anda akan mengendalikan SIL yang degil, perasaan bimbang yang berterusan, dan perkahwinan yang semakin hampir? Kakak Ipar yang Tertekan boleh menggunakan semua bantuan yang dia dapat.